She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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