I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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