im having a threesome with these popsicles
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize