i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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