you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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