mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
