After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
