you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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