Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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