sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
