I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
