My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
