Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
