I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
