broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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