WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
