Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
