I cannot find my penis.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
