Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
