if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
