What did we do last night that was yellow?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
