i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You can't just leave with hair like that
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
