you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
