I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
