did you get engaged???
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
this is an emotional support booty call
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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