Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
