there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
