Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
