If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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