im drinking this country out of the recession.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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