It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
