Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
