Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You made out with two different species that night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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