Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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