I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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