I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
