So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
