My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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