I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
