The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
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I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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