I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize