I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
