there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
