Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
