I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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