he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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