I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
