Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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