Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
