I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
