I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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