woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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