So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
