Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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