i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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