it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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