What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
