no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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