I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
