dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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