I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We got so high we made milksteak
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
