I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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