we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
