do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize